Change is not my forte

Change is not something I readily embrace. In fact, I usually try to avoid it. I like structure, consistency, and the comfort that comes from being around the same people in the same places. I guess one of the reasons I shy away from change is because it always means an ending.

Now some endings I welcome--the ending of Ada's vomiting for example I will gladly accept--but others hit me hard with the weight of their finality and the sadness of knowing that that particular thing will never be exactly the same.

Today marks one of those endings that leaves a sick feeling in my stomach. It is not that I spent the last night in my house, or turned my fantastic fireplace on with the flick of a switch for the last time (although it is a bummer I can't take that with me), or even that I let a large chunk of our furniture go so that we could fit ourselves into a much smaller home. Although there is a sentimental side of me that mentally says "goodbye" to all these things, what has me wishing I could somehow hold on to some things so that they never change is that today I say goodbye to my sister. Granted, I am not moving that far away. I will still see Anne and talk to her and since we are sisters, we will always be a part of each other's lives. But gone is the ability to intertwine parts of our everyday lives, to witness our kids become "everyday" friends, to carry on a conversation that starts over a dinner together and continues as we watch our kids play together and picks right back up when we see each other the next day at church or MOPS,...and a hundred other things that only happen when you live close enough to be a part of someone's day to day life. Living close to Anne has been a joy, a gift, and on many occasions, the reason I was able to laugh after crying, get a new perspective, enjoy an afternoon with a friend, feel understood, and possess that feeling that comes with being with someone who just gets you.

I am saying goodbye to other friends too. Since this area is where I spent my whole life until college, I am surrounded by people who know me well, friends I love and feel comfortable with. (Good land, no wonder I am sad!)

So today change is here, and an ending has come.

But there is one thing about endings--they are also the beginning of something new. And after awhile, that new thing will feel good. There will be new friends (if I can fool someone else into believing I am sane) and new experiences. My family will be together again (and let me tell you, that really helps with the saying goodbye part), and we will get to be a part of a new community, a new church, and Kevin's new job. Even with the sadness of this ending, I can't help but feel some excitement about the future.

And then there is God, who despite change and endings and beginnings, never changes. He is "with the first of them, and with the last" (Isaiah 41:4). He wraps up all my beginnings and endings and makes sense of them, being as much apart of the excitement of the newness as He is a part of the sadness of the ending. He goes before and comes behind. He "takes hold of my hand" (Isaiah 41:13) and leads from this place to the next so that I can walk forward with confidence and look back with peace.

Now if only He would send some angels to pack and unpack for me.

My next post will be from our new home that we are renting while we (still) wait for our home here to sell. Maybe someday before next Christmas I will post pictures from this Christmas. Maybe. I might even get around to showing pictures of our new house. But first I have to pack up my closet and go through all the junk in my garage. So don't hold your breath.