Reflections on Momthers Day

(my card from Ada, which began with "happy momther's day)

 

 

A few thoughts on mothering that have more to do with others than with me:

I have been reflecting on being a mother today while basking in the cards and gifts of love from my family and I have concluded that if there is any sense of "greatness" in my motherhood (as my kids have, perhaps naively, declared), it is only because of all those in my life who pour into me and hold me up.

When Kevin finished his doctoral dissertation, he wrote these words to those he dedicated his work to,

"Because you are, I am."

Because these people are, I am the mother I am.

1. Jesus. In my deepest moments of failure and frustration and in my highest moments of thankfulness and growth, and in all the moments in between in this job that is mothering, it is Him who has met me with grace and healing and hope and joy. It is Christ who has heard my prayers for patience and wisdom and discernment, for forgiveness and strength, and it is Christ who has breathed life into moments of training and exhaustion and trial. If there are any virtues in my mothering worth mentioning, it is a direct result of His grace at work in me.

2. My mom. I have always felt like I had a great mom. But before I had children of my own, and even in those first few years into mothering my children, I figured that she was a really great mom, and I, I would be just a step above that. How foolish one can be! Now I find myself practically begging my mom to tell me what on earth she did, because if I can do just half as well, then my kids might have a chance. My mom mothered us with love and discipline and wisdom, and did a whole bunch of other stuff like get us to sit in our chairs for a whole meal, not eat like animals, fold laundry, and complete a task without needing redirected 100 times. (Mom, if you are reading this, any insight you can provide into how on earth you accomplished what now seems like an impossible task, please enlighten me). Now that I am older my mom is a constant listening ear, a voice of challenge and encouragement, and a lover of and prayer warrior for me and my children. To even imagine being a mother without her example is impossible.

3. My husband. Kevin is so supportive of me mothering our children as a full time job. To list all of the ways he makes being a mother to our kids possible would be hard, because he does it in big and small ways everyday. From listening to my discouragement with potty training as if I am discussing something actually inspiring, to stepping in to help when he is as tired as I am, to encouraging me to take time for myself and to pursue the things I feel passionate about, Kevin makes my mothering possible and purposeful.

4. My sisters. I am thankful to be mothering alongside my sisters who themselves are wise, discerning, and loving mothers. They have listened probably more times than they can count to my funny stories about my kids, my frustrations, and my questions. They have walked with me through the highs and lows of mothering and they, like my mom, are constant sources of advice and encouragment, as well as listening ears. WIthout them I would be on the phone a lot less, and my kids would miss out on a rich source of mothering wisdom and help.

5. My grandmothers. Even though only one of my grandmothers is still living, I live in the legacy of both of their mothering. My Grandma Harriman (the only one to know my children) has been another source of encouragement as I learn to be a mother. Perhaps the best advice I received from my grandma was what she said after I had vented my discouragement with one of my children's obstinate behavior. "Well," she said, "it keeps you humble." She reminds me to see all things in light of what God can do and to mother with humility.

6. My mother-in-law and my sisters-in-law. Lots of people marry into families they don't like. I have been fortunate enough to marry into a family that I love. My mother-in-law has shown tremendous grace and love for me and her grandchildren and she is a model of patience and selflessness. She pours herself into my kids, which makes our lives richer. And my sisters-in-law are the same--loving and giving to my kids and encouraging me to keep growing as a mother.

7. My friends. From friends I mother beside in the same locality, to friends I mother with through email and texts and phone conversations, I am blessed with a chorus of strong, smart, funny, and creative voices. There are too many fellow mothers and friends to list who have given me practical advice, seen the best in my kids when my vision was clouded with all that was going wrong, earnestly prayed with me and for our children, laughed with me over our best kid moments, shared with me their wisdom as well as their own vulnerabilites, taught my children things I couldn't, and been my friend--which has often been the gift I am most grateful for.

8. Oliver's birthmother. Without her sacrificial gift of love, I would not have the joy of knowing and loving this boy. It is her gift of life that made me a mother of three and that constantly reminds me of God's redemption.

See? There is no way I could do this thing called mothering alone. At least for me, mothering takes a village. A community of people who love me and my kids, who give of themselves so that I can mother better, who walk alongside me and cheer me on, who invest in me over and over again. To all of these dear people, I owe who I am. And my children owe them their mother, whose measure of "greatness" is directly related to the greatness of those around her.

 

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